


dress up

by sassyweethang



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Drabble, Dress Up, Established Relationship, Flirting, I Pick on Them, M/M, Not Safe for Incels, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, Undercover Missions, not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 21:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19754104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassyweethang/pseuds/sassyweethang
Summary: Ianto helps Jack get dressed for an undercover mission.





	dress up

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: jack/ianto, ianto picks jacks outfit

“Why can’t we send in Tosh again?” Ianto asked as he halfheartedly folded a shirt. 

The Torchwood wardrobe was a mess. It looked more like a room where a clothes bomb had gone off then anything resembling a secret bases wardrobe. Nobody had organised it in probably a decade and Ianto glared at the mess. He hadn’t known it was this bad. He could see his weekend disappearing under unwashed disguises already. 

“Because they’re misogynistic pigs who wouldn’t listen to her and do you really want to send her into that environment?” Jack yelled out from behind the heavy curtain, he sounded a little out of breath but they’d been trying out different outfits for a while now and Ianto’s coffee had gone cold. The good news was the shoe rack was finally in order though. 

“No,” Ianto muttered because it was true, nobody wanted to send the tiny scientist into that mess, even if she could handle herself and would probably have become their queen by the end of the meeting...actually that was probably the main reason not to send her in. Tosh with an army? The world would be fucked. Better off mind you but benevolent dictatorship didn’t seem right in this day and age. “But why you? Wouldn’t Owen be more their type?”

“Owen would stab someone in the eye with a pen after thirty minutes,” Jack said and once again, it was true. Owen’s ability to handle bullshit had degraded over the years, it was practically non-existent now. 

“Fair point...me?”

“Could you stand up to those bullies?” Jack questioned, the heavy theatre curtain taking a thumping as he performed some kind of unnecessary gymnastics to get into the latest catwalk ready look. 

“Yes,” Ianto glared at the curtain. 

“ **Without** resorting to violence and/or possibly murder?” 

Ianto pondered it for a moment and realised that his bullshit meter was as fucked, if not more so, then Owen’s. He’d probably head butt the first arsehole who said something derogatory about his mother...then maybe he’d go pick up Rhiannon and unleash her on the bastards... 

Yep, definitely not suitable for the mission. 

“...Good point. Right then, so you’re the last man standing in a room full of sexist and racist idiots. Owen wouldn’t intimidate them so much, at least he looks a lad you’d bump into down the pub. You...well you’re-”

“Drop dead gorgeous?” Jack asked rhetorically as he dramatically flung the heavy curtains apart like a camp community play villain making their entrance. Admittedly better dressed than the local productions bargain bin costume departments could manage though. 

“Stop fishing for compliments,” Ianto chided, fighting a smile. 

Jack laughed heartily, “We need information.”

“Still.”

“That’s why we’re toning me down,” Jack pointed out turning to adjust the lines of his outfit in the mirror. 

“Then we’re going to need to change the trousers,” Ianto said with a sigh. 

“What’s wrong with the pants?” Jack asked concerned, he skimmed his hands down his thighs and ass, checking the trousers as he twisted in front of the mirror for a better view. 

“The fit,” Ianto offered, sounding a little angry as he glared at the offending garment. 

Jack looked confused, “They fit fine.” 

Ianto rolled his eyes at Jack because there in lay the problem, “Oh yes, they do. But if you’re infiltrating a room full of incels you might want to hide an asset that would immediately out you as someone who could easily have anyone they wanted, even the completely heterosexual men in the room at the drop of a hat.” 

Jack guffawed, “Touche.”

“Let’s try the jeans, in a bigger size,” Ianto suggested. Handing Jack a baggy second hand pair. Jack dropped his suit trousers in a quick move and kicked them away into a corner as Ianto watched them go, breathing deeply through his nose and moving on before he had to clean up Jack’s blood from the wardrobe when he strangled him with some trouser legs. 

“Top?” Jack questioned, oblivious to Ianto’s simmering rage. 

Ianto eyed the shirt currently hugging Jack’s upper body appraisingly, “Lose the dress shirt, some of these idiots wouldn’t know an iron even if their mother’s finally snapped and went full Little Mo on their asses.”

“T-shirt then,” Jack nodded. 

“Try the one with the obscure hentai anime on it.”

“Little stereotypical don’t you think?”

“Ordinarily yes, but I’ve seen the CCTV footage of their past meetings and frankly these lot are leaning heavily into the stereotypes,” Ianto muttered, tucking away another neatly folded uniform onto a shelf he’d mentally labeled ‘manual labour disguises’. 

Jack pulled on the oversized faded t-shirt and tugged the cloth into place before twirling round for Ianto’s approval, “How do I look?”

Ianto took in the baggy jeans, barely clinging to Jack’s hips showing the tantalising glimpse of pelvic bone, coupled with the bare feet and the faded t-shirt that still accented his broad shoulders and on top of all that, the appealing bed hair. 

“Add some ill suiting glasses and a bit of grease to the hair and you’ll fit right in with the dregs of society,” Ianto offered completely deadpan. 

“Really?”

“No but it’s the best we can do considering you’re quite the prime specimen,” Ianto grumbled. 

“Flirt,” Jack winked.

“Grab that holey hoodie too and slouch a bit more, these blokes don’t have confidence. At least not outside of their anonymous forums,” Ianto ordered and Jack snapped off a quick salute as he hurried to obey. He shrugged into the hoodie and shoved on some square brick thick glasses.

Jack licked the palms of his hands and started fussing with his hair in the mirror, flattening bouncy locks here and there, “That should do it. And with Tosh in my ear feeding me the computer jargon and some choice quotes, we’ll have all the information we need about their alleged terrorist activities by the end of the meeting.” 

“Good, frankly I’d like to arrest them all now but being a horrible human being isn’t illegal,” Ianto complained and Jack sauntered over, looking a little more  _ slimy _ then he had thirty minutes ago so perhaps he could pull it off after all. Though he still managed to ooze that Harkness charm underneath the slightly off putting exterior so it was anyone’s guess how the arseholes would react to him. 

“Here, here,” Jack agreed, stealing a quick chaste kiss as Ianto fixed the fall of his dark hoodie. 

“Plus...I already miss the coat,” Ianto added petulantly as he petted Jack’s shoulders, the fraying cotton feeling wrong under his palms. Jack chuckled. 

“Me too, keep it warm for me till I get back.” And with a wink and quick pat to Ianto’s arse he shot off to complete the mission. Leaving Ianto to continue bringing order back to a room that should never have been left under Jack’s purview. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://capt-jackharkness.tumblr.com/) & [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sassyweethang)  
> 


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